Being Musical

My two favourite TV programmes of all time are "Father Ted" and "Black Books", but not necessarily in that order... am I sounding a bit Nick Horby Here? Anyways, there is one esp inspired episode of BBs, whereby the perpetually inebriated and self-obsessed Fran, sits stroppily at her new piano and declares: "but I MUST be musical...I have hundreds of CDs!"  Ha ha, the words of just about every young, spotty, male muso/journalist, ever! Bless em. I do know how they feel. I've never been gifted with a high level of musical intelligence, but that hasn't stopped me from having a go in the past.

Alongside many other five year-olds that have an attention defficiency, I started out with the humble recorder. After about a year or so of merely spitting into said musical receptacle, I'd managed to get "London's Burning" down to a tee. Unfortunately, my father was less enthusiastic. Even then I was a perfectionist and wanted to get the " fire, fire" bit down just right! That perfectionism probably cost me my musical career. It grated on my father's nerves and he snapped the recorder in half. Much later I moved into the teenage guitar-murdering phase (I think the Teenage Guitar-Murderers would be a great name for a band b.t.w).

Learning to play guitar as a teenager is not about the love of music; it is more to do with trying to cop off with a member of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, learning Burt Weedon's "Play in a Day" is one of the least sexiest activities that a teenager could participate in. It's also one of the most impossible (unless you're John Lennon, Jimmy Page or some other guitar-playing Godlike genius). At the time, I only really wanted to play Smiths and Doors songs, and was rather appalled at being lumbered with "Kumbaya" and "Michael rowed the boat ashore", but, the most annoying thing about the damn book was that these irritating songs could not be learnt "in a day". Weedon should have been done for infringing Trading-Standard laws. Basically, it did not do what it said on the tin!!!!

Now, thankfully I'm done with all of that. If I want to show the world how musical I am, I can spend days putting together obscure and self-indulgent playlists that only I would probably listen to; or I could take up Facebook djing, a condition which compels human beings to tirelessly post endless (and pointless) YouTube clips to all of their totally uninterested and unimpressed friends.

Down with Bert Weedon I say, and Hooray for not being musical in the 21st century!

A guitar-playing Godlike genius.